"Adolescence", the wake-up call no adult should miss
- APsychotherapist&theCity
- Mar 18
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 19
Writing a review of the Netflix series "Adolescence" seems like an insurmountable challenge. How can you find the words for perfection, intense pain, and the sorrow of realising that what you see on screen is- to varying extent- occurring everywhere around you?
At the same time , we cannot not talk about it because it is vital for everyone. Yes, everyone. It's not solely for the benefit of adolescents, nor is it something only parents should watch; it concerns every individual in our society.
In just a few words, Adolescence is a four part series about Jamie, a 13 year old boy accused of stabbing and murdering a schoolmate girl of his same age.
Stephen Graham, who portrays the father in the series but also co-created and produced the show, told BBC that he felt compelled to tell the story when he read about two separate incidents of boys murdering teenage girls with a knife and it really hit him: what kind of society do we live in?
IF you haven't watched or finished the series yet but planning to, there are spoilers in the next paragraphs.
What becomes undeniably clear from the first episode is that social media and the internet played a significant role in the crime.
We can assert with confidence that without the pressure on young people to share nude photos of themselves through smartphones, which can then be virally spread on Snapchat or group WhatsApp chats, and without Instagram posts that intensified the bullying and humiliation, Jamie would not have stabbed his classmate.
Between 2010 and 2015, societies across the world not only collectively embraced smartphones and social media as essential components of daily life but also accepted, or deemed it inevitable, that children and teenagers would do the same.
If you have bumped into my blog or my posts before you may have an idea on how this has terrified me for the last decade at least. As mental health professionals we had a privilege and opportunity to witness the first concerning signs of the harm of smartphones, internet and social media on young people but our concerns and cry for help were isolated, not effective or loud enough. Until Jonathan Haidt and his book " The Anxious Generation" came along last year, shedding so much light on how we used Generation Z as guinea-pigs by not protecting them enough from the online world.
I consider this series potentially as equally powerful as Jonathan Haidt's book. It is a golden opportunity, a wake-up call for all of us responsible adults who have to protect younger generations, to open our eyes and take action.
Children and Adolescents should not be on social media, should not own smartphones.
Some may still wonder why? Despite sounding so smart, eloquent and switched on leaving us speechless most of the time (see Jamie and the Psychologist in episode 3) adolescents do not have yet a fully formed adult brain. The prefrontal cortex is the last part of our brain to complete its process of rewiring which happens only around the age of 25 years.
The teenage brain is undergoing numerous changes and can develop complex hypotheses and thoughts, but it is not yet equipped to control impulses, a task managed precisely by the prefrontal cortex. Teenagers often find it challenging to comprehend and manage their emotions, refrain from acting impulsively, and anticipate the consequences of their emotions and actions.
What I thought was so powerful in this series is how the whole script and cast have been able to perfectly convey one crucial, essential, overwhelming need of every adolescent: to be liked. It is an emotional need that is at the core of their experience: "I just want to be liked". This is also what Jamies desperately and ferociously shout and cry at the Psychologist in charge of his assessment: do YOU like me???
Most teenagers' behaviours implicitly , silently shout that "do you like me?" to everyone around them. Feeling and knowing they are accepted is vital for their emerging self-esteem and their sense of who they are. They need to know this in order to know what to think about themselves and to position themselves in the world.
Consider what we, as a society -tech, individuals, countries, governments - have done to our young people by allowing them to be on social media and glued to their phones and isolated in their rooms with screens and chats : we exposed their most raw, vulnerable, devastatingly powerful need to the entire world, without any protection, inadvertently leaving room for bullying, humiliation and uncontained overwhelming negative emotions,
How does a "like" or comment must feel for a teenager? What does it do to her/his beg to be liked and accepted? And what happens when it backfires? How can their prefrontal cortex be equipped to manage all that emotional storm heightened by the fuel of social media, by unkind strangers , all on their own?
Of course not every child on social media will be committing a crime or be a victim of violence. However, the negative effects of instagram, whatsapp group or tik tok are countless and it is hard to name them all in this post.
One of the biggest risks is the effect on self-esteem and the missed opportunities of real life experiences and interactions who are at the core of our sense of Self. In previous generations, many teenagers lacked parental guidance or had abusive family relationships but they had a chance to learn who they were from real life peer relationships rather than comments from strangers or acquaintances.
Adolescence has always presented its challenges. It is a delicate developmental task that requires adapting from both individuals and their parents, as well as from educational systems and the different systems involved.
I used to work as a Psychotherapist in London secondary schools and Pupil Referral Unit ( where children were sent when they were excluded from school). Thirteen years ago, teenagers and adults around them undoubtedly faced struggles and challenges, including sadly gangs and knife crime. However, there wasn't the constant fuel on fire added by the indiscriminate and pervasive use of smartphones and the internet that we see in today's society.
By all means, in the eyes of an adult, adolescence is puzzling and sends contradicting messages. Adolescents are indeed resilient and strong, carrying countless inherent opportunities for change and transformation. They also demand independence, physical and emotional space.
At the same time, when we observe them, their behaviours, their looks, their fears, as the Sting " Fragile" song performed by a choir at the end of episode 2 reminds us, we will notice they are also fragile and in desperate need of guidance and protection. " on and on the rain will say how fragile we are, how fragile we are."
In such a complex and confusing sea to navigate, what actions can we take? How can we prevent more parents from having to say, "Sorry, son, I should have done better?"
Parents of younger Generation Alpha and of Generation Beta have a real opportunity in their hands right now: not giving a smartphone to their child, not allowing them to go on social media. While it may seems like an impossible task , it is possible to resist parent pressure: talk to people, look around you, there are more and more parents with the same fears and concerns. Change is already happening. There are a few entire London boroughs whose schools have banned the use of smartphones and encouraged parents to buy simple phones to their children. Extraordinary parents initiatives such as Smartphones Free Childhood are changing the landscape and supporting parents to delay smartphones.
But the responsibility is not only on parents, it is on each adult of our society.
Parents face relentless pressure to improve and conform to unrealistic parenting models, which clash with societal demands to support their families in a frequently unaffordable financial world. Despite being told they can handle things alone, parents need the support of the "village."
Whether we have children of our own or not, children and teenagers of today are also our legacy and will one day look after us as doctors, politicians, lawyers, judges, nurses, carers, pilots. .
Talk to younger people, inspire them, show them real alternatives to the virtual world, be a role model, be present when you are around them, involve children and teenagers you know in activities that provide a TRUE self-esteem and confidence, support them in building MEANINGFUL relationships.
Let's all talk about it, like we talk about the importance of wearing helmets and seatbelts or avoiding junk food and alcohol. Let's all come together like we did to ban and prevent more smoking habits in young people.
Midwives, GPs, doctors, mental health professionals, social services, eye doctors, schools can also play a role in supporting parents and their children to say no to the social pressure of smartphones and social media and also to delay screens to young children as late as possible. We can literally all make a difference.
Comments